What to do to prevent a family boat from breaking in everyday life
Each relationship goes through certain stages of its development. When it comes time to live together, on the one hand, it strengthens them, and on the other, it provides for the solution of certain difficulties. First of all, they are associated with the unification of two different worldviews and habits together.
I think you have repeatedly heard the phrase “Life kills relationships”, but is that so? Is it possible to consider the moment of “rubbing” as a murder of relations? How to keep love in everyday life, and how not to lose oneself, giving way to a partner, are the answers in our material.
Why life destroys relationships
To begin with, let’s think about what is “life” in general? In the understanding of most people, this is an activity aimed at satisfying their daily psychological and physiological needs. The key word here is “your own”, because everyone knows how best it will be for him, how he will be comfortable and under what conditions this comfort is achieved.
A completely different story when it comes to life in a relationship. There should no longer be a place for the word “ours”, it will be transformed into “ours”. And when the idea of the psychological and physiological well-being of the partners does not coincide, problems begin.
Top problems in living together
It is not possible to cover all possible problems, but consider the most common. The first one is “He / she annoys me.” What do you mean by this phrase? If it comes to everyday life, then usually these are standard phrases: “her hair is everywhere” or “his socks are everywhere”. This stage of irritation is a classic problem of the first period of life together. It occurs when the illusions about the ideal man or woman are scattered.
Yes, she has hair and it falls out. Yes, he’s not used to throwing socks in the box for dirty things. And this is normal! Each partner has his own everyday habits. And in such cases, what do people do? – That’s right, they are silent, they keep everything in themselves, they are annoyed and “boil” somewhere inside. And at this time, cracks go on in the relationship and the longer you remain silent, the cracks deepen.
And all you need is just to talk. Truly loving people will always find a common language. Not to yell at each other, but to speak in a calm voice about a problem that bothers, find a way out together, forgetting about your “I” and put “WE” in the foreground. And be sure to start the conversation with the phrase “I love you.”
The next common problem is “we have nothing to talk about.” The idea that living together kills relationships is one of the most controversial issues. It is not a fact that you had anything to talk about before you started living together. It often happens that in the first stages of relationships, partners are fastened together with blind passion, and not common interests. And this nuance should be clarified before starting a life together.
But if we are talking about people who have long been together and have never experienced a shortage of topics for communication? – as a rule, through communication, people recognize each other. And at some point a completely logical process sets in, when partners at the household level begin to understand each other almost without words. This is absolutely no reason to panic, this is normal, you just went up to the next stage of the relationship, which no longer needs so much verbal interaction. To find new topics, try to delve into the interests of your soul mate, take an interest in his / her life and engage in dialogue. Believe me, your partner vitally needs feedback and your opinion.
And sometimes the cause of this problem is in various types of personality. For example, one of the partners likes to talk non-stop and conduct a dialogue with a loved one. And this way of interaction is for him an indicator of love and mutual understanding. And to another partner, minutes of silence and hugs in silence are more valuable. What then?
Such cases are not uncommon, and it is important here to love a person to such an extent as to be able to patiently accept his inner world. Is the partner too talkative? – let him speak out, enter into dialogue. Partner silent kinestet? – let him “keep silent.” Over time, you will learn to find a balance in these processes, just be patient. No one said relationships are easy!
The last top problem is “I need time to be without you.” Severe and scrupulous, it usually occurs after the first year of marriage. Its essence lies in the fact that everyone has the right to personal space, and in relationships this is often leveled. Do not be afraid of this, do not do everything together is normal, there are activities that are only yours, which in a sense give a reboot. There are times when a couple of minutes alone are “treated”, and this should not be forgotten by loving people.
But we are not talking about those cases when you without a partner are always better than with him. Then this is an occasion to contact a family psychologist. The exception is also the period after the quarrel, in which case you definitely should stay together!