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Each relationship goes through certain stages of its development. When it comes time to live together, on the one hand, it strengthens them, and on the other, it provides for…

Continue reading →

Relationships Without Manipulation

The alien soul – darkness, in each family, and in each group of people united by something – their own laws. Wait, do not rush to regret or condemn. Try to figure out who the Persecutor is here, who is the Victim, who is the Savior … And who are you yourself. Which of them do you want or do not want to be?

Manipulation is a complex psychological device, the purpose of which is that a manipulator (a person who puts pressure) tries to finish his drink. Often, the work of a manipulator is based on trust in oneself, feelings, fears, experiences of other people. For all its complexity, it is found everywhere, both at home and at work, both with children and with parents.

Life-long game
Regrettably, life is a game for many. We play different roles: wife, husband, child, boss, patient, etc. Although life itself is life, the most valuable thing we have. But there are roles that we remain hostages by choosing the game “Manipulation”.

What kind of game is it? Let’s see how experts in this field determine it.

The hidden use of power (power) is contrary to the alleged will of another (R. Goodin).

Stimulation of behavior through deception or playing on the alleged weaknesses of another (J. Rudinov).

Hidden coercion, programming of thoughts, intentions, feelings, relationships, attitudes, behavior (G. Schiller).

When I ask the question “Who manipulates loved ones?” At the training, I get negative answers. That is, no one.

When I ask the question “Confess honestly, at least someone close to you – parents, husband, wife, etc., manipulates, suppresses or controls the will of you?”, The group comes to life and 90% raise their hands, saying yes!

It is clear that in the group there are “victims” of someone’s manipulations. No, no, they didn’t create it, it’s different … Where there are “victims”, there is no responsibility.

Well, get to know each other better …

Victim
manipulation victim

My name is Victim. I am virtuous, respectable, people recognize me, seek help. I do not refuse anyone, because the most important thing for me is to be appreciated and appreciated …

Sometimes, excuse me, it seems to me that I’m a saint. Not everyone, of course, understands what I am! But nothing depends on me! I see vices, shortcomings, mistakes of others … I love my loved ones, my children, I give them 5 hours a day (even more, yesterday – 5 hours and 15 minutes) – and this, imagine, at the expense of mine health, because of this I did not go to the sauna …

God, how much I gave people strength, life … And all this – for the sake of children, husband (wife), employees …

Seem to be?

See also: How to diversify the sensations of a couple

If you ever said the phrase “How much I have done (made) for you!”, It means that you also tried on the “costume” of the Victim, participating in a drama performance for a grateful audience, where the pay is the audience’s consent to work for the Victim. It is bad for the victim, it is, but she cries so bitterly and loudly for you or someone else to see and feel it, after which they “fed” her attention and started to work on her. The position of the victim is beneficial to the victim itself.

This position (role) can be different: either underlining is a demonstrative form, or humility is a suppressed form. From time to time, the Victim in hysterical form begins to demand: “I gave you the best years, I missed my marriage, personal life, you grew up, did not appreciate my sacrifice made to you!”, And then goes on to the role of the Persecutor or, as a last resort, finds him in others … After all, any victim needs … who?

The persecutor or executioner
what is manipulation

My name is P. And remember, P. – and in no other way, otherwise you may have serious troubles! Do you remember ?!

So there you go! I do not like it when someone does not keep promises, does not understand me, does not hear me … And if he or she violates, then they should be responsible for their actions. And who, no matter how I can help them in this? They, in essence, are lost sheep, among whom there are patients, they are needed and … In general, do not touch me – and I will not touch you.

Do you recognize? No, we don’t need others … Myself … We can influence the world and change it only through ourselves. If suddenly you immediately began to recognize others, congratulations – you are the same executioner, the persecutor. How is the suit sitting?

A person who has chosen this position requires compensation for everything! If others do not live up to his expectations or, God forbid, destroy his illusions and idealization, he will not be silent and inactive!

“If it weren’t for me, where would you be ?!” You can’t even earn 100 hryvnias yourself; you don’t even know where all this comes from!

Yes, the nerves are on the limit, the tension rises, and then … who?

Rescuer, he is a defender, he is a lawyer
My name is Rescuer. It’s so hard for people around, I’m better than others, and therefore I just have to take care of the “smaller brothers” – they are small, weak … They don’t go to trainings, they don’t read development magazines … Poor little ones, only about money and about money , about material and material … Yes, sometimes I do not defend for free, but I have high goals, I am complacent, I can regret and reassure.

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