About the re-education of the life partner
How does a man feel if his wife or girlfriend went to a training or seminar, returned home and said that he needed to change? What will be his natural reaction? Have you thought about this?
We live in an amazing time. Never before has a person had the chance to survive so many diverse metamorphoses and changes in the age allotted to him. Life does not stand still, and the Roman Roman wisdom becomes clearer – everything flows, everything changes. Society has changed, the state has changed, relationships between people in this society are changing. We began to relate to our parents in a different way, to raise children in a different way, to show love for each other in a different way, to evaluate ourselves in a different way. We live in an age of tremendous change! But not everyone likes it the same way, and the attitude towards change is different for men and women too …
Many men love stability and are critical of all sorts of changes, especially in their families.
Women are inherent to change their appearance – to lose weight, slim, dye and cut hair, apply makeup and tattoo. Such changes are sometimes stressful for some men, but completely understandable to any woman and certainly not condemned in society. And what about a man who suddenly changed his image? This raises questions. Soviet ideals are still too fresh in my memory, when everything was the same for everyone, similar to tears. The same haircuts, the same apartments, the same traditions and worldview. It is still difficult for many to accept differences – differences are dangerous, they can be laughed at, mocked, they can be condemned.
When principles are violated
How does a man feel if his wife or girlfriend went to a training session or read a book, attended a seminar, or got an appointment with a psychologist, just listened to others, came home and told her husband that he should change? How does he feel? Women, have you thought about this?
Any trainer with experience will confirm that the question that most women care about is how to bring a husband to training? It even comes to divorces! From the side it seems that these women, getting married, cherished the utopian dream – to remake her husband. They did not accept him with all the shortcomings, but hoped to re-educate him as soon as they began to live together. But men are not children, but adults, established personalities, and remaking them is not only difficult, but sometimes impossible.
Yes, only women are not sewn with bast – for years they did not give up, used every opportunity to “hone” her husband in the literal and figurative sense, and here such a gift – trainings! This is so convenient! You can achieve your goal with the wrong hands! “Go fool, they will teach you there!” Rude? Believe me, the form does not change the content! Even if you did not sleep at night, preparing a speech full of love and respect, the meaning of which is to invite your husband to the training, because he needs it, he will most often feel like the fool whom they want to remake!
Substitution of roles and concepts
A mother woman brings up a child, instills in him various qualities, helps to cope with difficulties, struggles with shortcomings – she raises … Raises a son or daughter. A woman-wife accepts her husband as he is, as he had already been raised, with all its advantages and disadvantages. When a wife has a secret or explicit intention to remake her husband, she acts as a mother and forgets that her husband is not her son, that another woman gave birth and raised him.
The whole family system suffers from such a mistake – the wife herself, her husband, their children and parents. In addition, the principles of interaction and proximity are violated. Over time, in such a family, a man grows cold to a woman, and she, not understanding the cause-effect relationships, thinks that she needs to change her appearance in order to like him again. But no matter how perfect the woman, her son does not excite her beauty (in any case, in adulthood). From this there are problems in relationships, resentment, betrayal, recriminations and divorces.
Women, coming to study on various programs, even realizing their own responsibility for the result, still continue to desire changes and want to get tools – how to make her husband love more, or stop spending time outside the home, or earn better, or pay more attention to children?
Live together and grow one by one?
It does not matter what exactly you are unhappy with. This discontent becomes greater if you do not see the cause of what is happening in yourself. The whole experience of working with people suggests that it makes no sense to drag your husband to a psychologist or to a program if you have not decided together to change something in your life. Sometimes a joint trip helps to get closer when the couple sees the same prospects in front of them. But even if you two came to the training and start from what you are not happy with, and not from what you are striving for, the situation will not improve.
Evolving is very important. Life does not stand still. We are interested in keeping up with the times, it is interesting to grow and see the results of this growth. But, believe me, it is not so important whether you work alone or go to courses in pairs.