The hidden motives of civil marriage
Unconsciously, we know what is true, real, lasting, sanctified and legitimized, and what is fake, temporary. And then what does all our talk about the notorious “passport stamp” mean? Although no one will tell you what is right for you. Let’s better look for hidden motives.
In our time, many varieties of marriage have arisen. To its traditional form, when a couple enters into an official union with registration in an appropriate institution and passport marks, marriage with a marriage contract, a civil marriage when a couple lives together, but without an official registration of relations, and the so-called guest marriage when partners live each on their territory, sometimes even in different cities, go to visit each other or take turns living with each other.
Pros and Cons of Civil Marriage
Let us dwell in more detail on civil marriage and on the reasons that predispose to it. The reasons, or, if you want, the positive aspects of such an alliance:
both men and women seek greater personal freedom;
living in a civil marriage are less connected by material interests, their relations are more based on mutual sympathy and love;
such couples are more attentive to each other and do not allow themselves the “liberties” that husbands and wives often allow, confident that their partner belongs to them by law and law. The understanding that at any moment a person can turn around and leave, forces the civil spouses to restrain negative feelings and reactions;
a longer preservation of romantic feelings gives such a marriage a special sublimity and appeal;
civil marriage allows you to get to know each other better, test your feelings, as well as yourself for psychological compatibility. A similar practice existed among the American Indians: in the first year of marriage, the newlyweds looked at each other and wondered if they could be happy. And if they understood that they could not, then they said goodbye and looked for new spouses. In modern couples of the civilized world, if the test is successful, civil marriage, like the Indians, usually goes into the official traditional format.
Perhaps the pros of a civil marriage end there. It’s time to talk about the minuses and negative aspects that accompany this form of relationship.
Firstly, this is reluctance to take on additional responsibility or psychological immaturity, the lack of maturity of modern men and women.
Secondly, it is an economic factor. Since marriage implies joint housekeeping, questions inevitably arise such as making and distributing money, who is more and who is less investing in the family budget, whom to pay for housing, how best to manage the household. It is sometimes difficult to negotiate with each other on these issues without actual obligations.
Thirdly, according to my observations, dependence on parents or their active interference in the personal and family life of their already adult children leads to civil marriage.
Fourth, the choice in favor of a civil marriage can be affected by psychological trauma received in a previous official marriage, especially during the separation and division of property. When we connect life with the wrong person, the consequences can be very fatal.
Reveal the hidden motives
It is clear that each case must be considered separately in order to see its true motives. Sometimes they are masked by positive and progressive formulations, sometimes they simply are not recognized.
For example, the unwillingness to take on additional responsibility is often masked by the motivation “Why should we officially marry? We are so good, we love each other, and that’s enough. ”
In the case of economic reasons, it is much easier and easier for many to not have problems with financial, material and domestic issues. Often common-law spouses have their own personal budget. It is clear that in this case the man often wins, and the woman is dependent on his location to her.
The situation when the relationship of the couple is influenced by the parents also delays the formalization of the relationship. Often, one of the partners is still psychologically dependent on their parents, needs their guardianship, and usually this causes tension for the other partner, since his place is as if taken by the parents (or one of the parents). Some parents very actively intervene in the personal lives of their children, deciding who they should meet or not, when and which wedding to play, where they should live, etc. Naturally, this causes protest and the desire to be different from them, to build their personal lives in a different way.
If there was a psychological trauma associated with divorce, then often the strength of its influence is not recognized, and the problem remains unworked. And then the new relationship can remain in the format of a civil marriage for a long time, until this injury is somehow removed (there are various methods of working with such injuries that are beyond the scope of this conversation).