After a quarrel, you need to put up
People quarrel. This does not always happen vividly, and maybe it can not always be called quarrels, but there are quarrels among any couple, without it in any way. We are not telepathic, sometimes we do not understand each other, sometimes we do not understand correctly, interpret it incorrectly, conjecture, twist and all that sort of thing. This is a natural part of our life, and you should not expect otherwise. It is only twenty-year-old naive young women who can think that living together is always soul to soul. In fact, even a very loving couple has disagreements and disagreements (and, if desired, quarrels).
After quarrels, smart people make peace. After a quarrel, you need to cool down, come up, start a good conversation, admit your wrong (usually both are wrong) and calmly discuss what happened, drawing the necessary conclusions for the future. Whoever categorically does not know how to do this (and such, unfortunately, happen) is not our person. Never mess with him.
Look, reconciliation is common for everyone according to one scenario: someone comes first and offers to make peace. How exactly does it offer – this is no longer important. It is important that someone takes the first step. Now: how can a person respond to a proposal to make peace? By and large, in only two ways – to agree or refuse.
And if you came up and said, they say, let’s put up, and the person responded with joy – that’s good. If you come up, and the person continues to sulk and / or requires special compensation from you – this is an occasion to beware. This is not always wrong, sometimes it is wrong to put up without conditions for the future, but most often it’s right to reconcile first, and then understand.
But the most important point is different. If you come up, you offer to put up and the person – attention! – He says that he was wrong, he also got excited, flushed in vain, went too far, too wound up, squeezed, did not follow the words, and the like, then you can definitely deal with him further. But if a person – attention! – says that you really are to blame for everything that you need to be more restrained, not to get excited so much, to follow the language, not to carry nonsense and so on, then you should keep as far as possible from such a person.
Why is that? A person who, at least in words, recognizes his participation in creating your quarrel, in principle, understands that relationships are a matter of two. And that everything that happens in a relationship is also a matter of two. This is a person matured for a relationship. Maybe he still does not know how to be in them, but he can already learn.
And a person who is sure that it’s your fault for the quarrel, which in no way recognizes its contribution to the quarrel (or any other disagreement), such a person is basically not ready for relations. Not ripe. You can hang out with him and have fun, but a serious relationship with him is contraindicated. With such a serious relationship will not work. Do not expect.
To summarize. You can build a relationship with a person if he recognizes his contribution to your disagreements. You cannot build a relationship with a person (forbidden, pointless, stupid – substitute any word with the same meaning) if he only blames you in all the quarrels.