Love and family
Love is currently one of the most common reasons for creating a family, but not the only one.
Families are created not only for love. There are completely random reasons – pregnancy. Or need a residence permit. Or age has come up. Or in revenge to a beloved or beloved. Or the girl wants to escape from her parents, who do not consider her an adult, do not give independence and are terrorizing … Where to escape? Getting married. See Why and Why People Create a Family
Nevertheless, most marriages are concluded today for love (more precisely, for falling in love, romantic attraction), and the fact that this has become natural for modern people is an interesting cultural and historical phenomenon with its pros and cons.
If you ask your grandmother, especially great-grandmother, whether in her time love was the basis of family life, then most likely you will hear: “Oh, dear, what does love have to do with it!” Indeed, we seemed to forget that until recently – and for many centuries! – the family was built completely not on love, but on other grounds. And it was much stronger.
“… as for the plan of marriage for me, I’ll tell you, dear and priceless friend, that marriage, in my opinion, is a divine institution that must be obeyed. However difficult it is for me, but if the Almighty will be pleased to impose on me the duties of a spouse and mother, I will try to fulfill them as faithfully as I can, without caring to study my feelings about who he will give me as a spouse. ” – L.N. Tolstoy, “War and Peace.”
But the cultural and historical situation has changed, the old foundations of the family have gone (collapsed), new ones are not easy to create: the institution of the family is in crisis. At least one love is an unreliable support for the family.
Is love enough to create a family? – Not. This is good, but not enough. Love pushes us towards each other, love makes our relationship stronger, the problem is that love is extremely rare, and what happens between interested men and women is often a mixture of passion and fears … Yes, it’s bright and emotional, but this does not create a basis for a serious relationship. If you know how not only to fall in love, but also think in parallel with this, think about mutual obligations. Read the Ten Years Commitment article
Does love guarantee a strong relationship? – Not. People’s love unites, but the strength of relations already depends on people, on the quality of their relationships and the quality of their love. Ordinary love, namely love-attraction (love-passion, romantic attraction) – passes quite quickly, from a few weeks to a year. Moreover, sometimes it is love – a curve, wild love! – Relationships rather ruin. On the other hand, Love with a capital letter helps to build, strengthen and maintain relationships, including family relationships.
Is love required to create a family? – Not. With love it is usually easier to start a relationship, but if a person is promising, you can start a relationship without ardent love. Another thing is that living with love is still better than without love, so love should be taken care of. Namely, love can be created, love can be grown.
Love will help you, but it will not do anything for you; you still have to personally build your family. Along with love in building a strong family helps the ability to find a suitable partner and the ability to build relationships. And love needs to be stored and maintained, it’s real.
What if love is gone? – Take it calmly and start building relationships. For most couples in love, after some time (from a month to two years), love passes. For some, this is a tragedy, for someone it’s just a new stage in building relationships, where instead of the previous love in a couple, a new feeling may arise: love, joy, love, gratitude.
Video from Yana Happiness: an interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Talking topics: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to marry successfully? How many times do men marry? Why are there not enough normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A fairy tale that would not be better. Fee for the opportunity to be near a beautiful woman.