Love and relationships
Love and relationships are two different things. There are couples with a fiery and bright love – and with difficult, sick, undeveloped relationships. There are couples with beautifully built and mutually accommodating relationships where, in principle, there is no love. Satisfaction, convenience, pleasantness – is, it is difficult to talk about love.
Love is one thing, good relationships are another. There can be wonderful, good relationships, but no love. There may be passionate love, but no (not built, worthless, not established, or even difficult) relationship.
People rarely distinguish: they have love or good relationships, hence a lot of misunderstandings. For example, he and she love each other, but she does not know how to behave and constantly creeps into his affairs. He suffers for some time, then begins to make complaints. It may seem to them that this is somehow connected with the cooling of their love: no, this is not a question of love, but of established relationships.
Or: he is satisfied with the established relations with her, but she is not happy that there is no love anymore … She demands love (see Languages of Love), but he does not understand: “Is everything all right with us? What else do you want?” She upsets the relationship, after which he begins to think, “Do I need it?”
People like to dream about love, but, as a rule, they think seriously about love – it’s premature. First of all, you need to think about relationships, if only because people usually do not know how to manage love, and to build relationships is more often possible.
I will give a metaphor: it’s very cool when the house is clean, beautiful, the little rivulets on the windows, the pictures are hung out, the music sounds – very cool. Only if suddenly the house is not finished yet, the floors fail, there is no sewage and the roof is flowing … time to do the little thingies, music and flowers? Probably not. First you need to strengthen the foundation. In many couples, relationships are similar to such a house: either unfinished, or destroyed. This happens when people don’t follow themselves for years, they have already ruined their relationship, then after that say “add love” – what kind of love ?! You do a major overhaul before talking about love!
Most couples need to start by strengthening the foundation, and then curtains and tablecloths. A.
First, build relationships, and love to create – all the same later.
Difficult relationships endanger love. If he and she love each other, but communicate and behave in conflict, do not know how to negotiate, they create difficult relationships and put love at risk. On the other hand, good relationships contribute to the birth of love. If he and she create relationships that suit them in every way (light, comfortable, having a future), then friendship can flourish on this basis. If sexual attraction is also alive, then love easily flashes. Good relationships, caring for each other – the basis of love.
But only the basis. Whether love will arise on this basis is another matter. Indeed, there are relationships that are debugged, everything is fine, everything is fine, but beauty is absent, but joy is not. Do not be sad, to finish left a little bit. If your relationship is strong and kind, you have created the foundation on which you can build a house of love. Love will be, love will come, if your soul is healthy, and you create good relations joyfully and with desire, and you have learned to create with joy and desire. Take care of him, and from this – you have joy in your soul. Indeed, are you not happy when you can surprise, help, warm your beloved?